So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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