To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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