Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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