She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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