she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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