Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
