It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
