All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
