dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
