Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
