god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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