So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
