jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
