No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
