I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
