Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
