So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
