i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
