Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
