Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
