im six kinds of drunk right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
