Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
