oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize