That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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