I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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