I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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