The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
