glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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