I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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