the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
