somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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