I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
