Need sex. Gaining weight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
