i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
