I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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