I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.