nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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