we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
