Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
