he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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