Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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