Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
