You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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