walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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