flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
