First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
