We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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