I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
