You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize