Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
