She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize