i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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