I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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