One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
