in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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