you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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