Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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