problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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