There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
where does the pee come out of this thing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
