you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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