Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
